“…part of being a leader and team player is the willingness to be a ‘jerk’ from time to time.”
– Patrick Lencioni
Giving feedback, honest feedback, is a hard thing to do. It takes courage, and it takes love. You know… a servant. Sometimes it feels like you are being a “jerk”… when all you really want to do is help that person or the team get better.
Inherent in this quote is there’s a difference between an upper-case “JERK” and a lower-case “jerk.” Upper case JERKS only care about themselves. By definition, that’s not leadership, and it’s certainly not what we want for ourselves and our teams. Lower-case jerks risk the discomfort of giving feedback and being honest, and are selfless enough to put it out there and help someone or the team be successful. Lower-case jerks are… servants.
For more context on the “jerk” thing, Patrick Lencioni, author of many leadership books, writes in his blog (shown below) about the difference between upper case “Jerks” and lower-case “jerks.”
Let’s endeavor to be the active lower-case kind… the leaders who are selfless enough to put it out there and help the team be successful. Servants.
We need all of us – together – to achieve the greatness this team is capable.
Serve your team,
Steve
p.s. Thanks to Chris Visage for this one
The jerk Factor
January 2015
I had the opportunity to work with a college baseball team recently, and came to a realization that helps explain why accountability is one of the biggest challenges for team members and leaders alike. I call it “The jerk Factor,” and yes, the “j” is not capitalized for a reason.
I was doing an exercise with a group of about ten team leaders, in which I asked each of them to identify their key strength and weakness as a leader. After a few players admitted that their weakness is their reluctance to confront teammates who aren’t living up to the team’s standards, another of the leaders reported that his weakness is being too confrontational. He said, and I’m paraphrasing here because college guys don’t talk the same way that executives do: “I felt like a jerk the other day when I called out the team and said they were wimps for not doing enough reps in the weight room.” One of his peers replied, “yeah, I heard a few of the guys say they thought you were being a jerk, but they also said you were right.”
This didn’t seem to make the leader feel any better. I advised him to go back to his teammates and admit that even though what he said may have sounded harsh, he was doing it for their good, and the good of the team. And that’s when I realized that part of being a leader and team player is the willingness to be a “jerk” from time to time.
Now, when I spell jerk with a small letter “j”, I’m referring to someone who is willing to say or do something that pushes a peer or subordinate far out of their comfort zones in order to make them or the team better. This often comes in the form of a pointed comment during a meeting, or a dose of tough love delivered one-on-one. For a few minutes, hours or even days, jerks may be unappreciated, even resented by the people who are on the receiving end of their input, until those people come to the realization that what the jerk said or did was exactly what was needed.
Jerks with a capital “J” are different animals. They are the ones who consistently demonstrate harshness and attitude, with no apparent reason, certainly not for the good of the team and its members. They almost seem to enjoy treating others roughly, and rarely, if ever, acknowledge that their attitude may have been inappropriate or uncalled for. Of course, these Jerks don’t earn the respect of their team members, rarely sustain any meaningful level of success over time, and should be avoided whenever possible.
But let’s just focus here on “small j” jerks, because failing to appreciate them can hurt an organization in a big way. To understand how, it’s necessary to realize that they aren’t the only jerks on the team.
Remember that exercise with the college baseball team? And remember the first leaders in the group who said that their weakness was that they often hold back their input when they see people behaving in a way that isn’t good for the team? Well, it’s time to recognize that they’re being jerks too. Passive ones, perhaps, but jerks nonetheless. When they withhold information or feedback out of fear that they might be temporarily disliked, they’
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